itsachat Writers Ave

9th grade art class…our teacher is OLD she’s gonna retire in like five minutes so she doesn’t care what we do as long as we don’t get loud and interrupt her while she’s reading her travel brochures…we get an A on everthing we turn in…we suspect she isn’t even reading our reviews of the art films she shows us, so three of us test her by putting random lyrics to songs on our next written assignment….A’s for everybody…we were right!…Now, i’m not an artist, in other words i don’t have artistic vision, i can’t create a masterpiece but i can look at something and draw it……i call this photocopying…most pple have the ability to look at something and draw a pretty good replica of it…in my mind the true artist is the person who has ability PLUS the original concept…the true artist has a vision….so the guy who actually created Batman is an artist, the kid who can draw a good Batman is a photocopier…see what i’m saying? okay that is my opinion and this is my blog about what happened to me when my photocopying skills were matched against some real artists….Flashback to me in HS…RINNNGGGG *me/ stops yacking in the hall and does the run-walk to class* Teacher looks up from a big shiny !!COME BACK TO JAMAICA!! pamphlet and says *christie* you’ll be representing us at the design competition on Friday…..me/ *blink*….looks around room, why me?… teacher says “Based on the original concept posters that you and *Trevor* did for the school play i entered you as resident artist and he will be your alternate…i’m thinking OH SHIT but i do admit that my poster ideas were good and i had several ideas so i let my friend, who was now the alternate, use one of them for his poster so actually both of my ideas were the best in the class *beams* so, okay okay that’s pretty cool i love a pat on the head as much as the next sick puppy …..FAST FORWARD TO FRIDAY… we are taken by short bus to the University Art Center we clang open the double doors and are standing in a long hall…both walls are lined with examples of artwork from the students that are there to represent their schools…alternate and i slowly walk down this hall of art and my heart starts to sink…each art piece seems to be more elaborate more fantastic than the last…i walk slower…slower…cue the music from Ferris Beuller’s Day Off…the scene from the museum where they stand in front of Seraut’s masterwork “Sunday in the Park” and just stare….i am utterly transported with admiration and sickened with dread and envy all at the same time…i see the poster alternate drew, it looks so basic and crude compared to the other students’ work… like a chid’s drawing…i physically cringe when i see my own poster…a head pops out of one of the doors lining the hall and tells us to hurry and take a seat…..i numbly obey….the rest is a bit of a blur…i remember being surrounded by the papery-pencilly sound of people busily creating as i stared blankly at my paper…i remember snapping alternate’s head off in a hissy SHUTUP when he nudged me and asked my why i wasn’t drawing anything….i remember stumbling out of there trying to blend in with a group of several pple so it wouldn’t be so obvious that i wasn’t handing anything in at the front of the room like the others were….i tried not to look at the taunting walls of art as i headed for the short bus…eyes straight ahead…on the ride home my mind runs a slideshow of the art pieces…they are flickering on the front of my brain like one of those dark art noir films i never can grasp the hidden meaning of…alternate is perkily babbling on about how well he thinks he did…i stare out the bus window but i see the hallway walls…he asks me if i feel sick…i don’t answer…but yes i did feel sick…it felt like a sort of nausea of the soul…the next week my art teacher asked me why the university didn’t have an example of my work…i kicked alternate in the leg under the table and said they must have lost it…she nodded and went back to reading about Spain.

MOVE OVER GRAMMA…THERE’S A WHOLE NEW GENERATION OF KNITTERS ROCKIN ON THE FRONT PORCH !! Even in Hollywood, stars like Sandra Bullock, Kirsten Dunst, Russel Crow, and Samuel L. Jackson are taking up the trend, Julia Roberts, Winona Ryder, Cameron Diaz, Sarah Jessica Parker, Madonna (okay Madonna is older than my gramma so we wont count her) But Lily Cole and Dakota Fanning are defo not oldies and they both knit ……

One of the fastest growing trends today is teenagers learning to knit. Several popular teen magazines have coined the term “KIP,” or “knitting in public,” and have even published several tutorials on the art of knitting.

As the popularity of knitting grows, there are even starting to be after school clubs dedicated to the art of knitting. While teen knitting is the most popular with girls, an amazing number of boys are learning to knit as well… and college kids are knitting DURING classes:

“I started knitting about four years ago, but I really didn’t get into it until now,” sophomore Elizabeth Horen said.

Horen said she knows of at least five or six people who knit during class, and at least twenty that knit regularly. In her math class alone, four students admitted their own joy in this textile art.

“I love the artistic outcome, and while you are knitting, it’s therapeutic,” sophomore Sereena Ojakian said.

“Knitting is like watching a cooking show,” knitter sophomore Vanessa Pan said, referring to seeing people knit during class. “It goes in the oven, and then when the timer is done, it comes out gorgeous.” Although Pan does not indulge herself by knitting in class, she is an avid knitter. “I learned when I was eight years old, using two pencils and extra yarn from the lady sitting next to me on an airplane.”

The teachers are fine with it as long as it doesn’t cause a distraction in class.

There are knitting pod casts, knitting cafes, knitting summer camps, some of the most viewed vids on youtube are how to knit clips like threadbangers and knitty gritty……..there are character themed knitting patterns from Harry Potter, Hello Kitty, Kaylee on Firefly etc etc

Knitting is the Shiz-Knit ….y’all better recognize !!

I was checking out the doodles lan drew of some of her christmas gifts this year and i thought it would be fun to make a post where we can all list what we got for christmas this year……what our fave gifts were and what gifts we had to do the “fake smile” and say OMG THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED in a fake squeaky voice cuz it was such a horrid gift ……Me personally my fave gift this year was sloan’s computer….her daddy might as well have bought it for all of us because we are having all the fun from it !!! TY POP FOR THE GIVING US SLOANY BACK….SHE’S PRICELESS !!!

Christie:

I guess you think this challenge is a medievil jest
so you play the court jester slappin folks with metal gauntlets
This aint no round table bitch this is my presidential desk
and I got you bent over it like lewinski in the oval office

I aint got time for your little tin foil metal man role play
I’ll take yer ass out with a bloody glove like Freddy and O.J.
You wanna be a big boy you wanna be treated like a man
Then put down them little toys come correct and take a stand

But you wont cuz you cant you dont know how to start
You got no courage got no brain and u aint got no heart
This aint Oz this aint Kansas you’re now in the land of Lan
There aint no red shoe girl with a lil dog and an oil can

All that cryin’s gonna make you rusty ya lil raggedy ass tin man

BOOM……NOW WHAT…..LIL BIATCH

Brainy:

Comeback

I hear the oooh’s and awe’s,
Then I wait for the crowd to pause,
My challenger raises her hands,
Waving and enjoying her fans.
Being the underdog I don’t care.
I will be the star of this underground fair.

This isn’t the land of Lan,
But you played right into my hand.
Which is bad for you and your one fan.

To think this is Lan’s world is a shame.
Because you’re in mine so be ready for pain.
Get your disabled parking permit ready,
Because your new best friend will be a cane.

Now, miss. No boobs loud mouthed stick figure lady.
Should I cut you a break, I don’t know, maybe?
People would say he gave it to her, he is lazy.

Time to cook you with rosemary and thyme.
Since you have wasted my time
For less than a dime.
To listen to your ghey ass rhyme

Well I want you to know that I wont back down.
And I am going to boot your skinny ass outta town.
You will be sitting on a hospital bed in a gown.

Now mack get out of my grill
Before I eat you like a whale eats krill
Alright I have had my fill of this half baked thrill
Now mack take my advice and chill…..

Christie:

UNDERBITCH

Okay underdog your bark is weaker than your bite

Got your tail between your legs with no balls in sight

You’re the scrawny little runt not the pick of the litter

You gets no puppy love and it’s making you bitter

Whatchu gonna do lil puppy when i take yer bitch and pimp her

Not a damn thing but roll over whine and whimper

Down boy stay boy now sit up beg and moan

Underdogs beg long and hard for a long hard bone

You can’t teach an underdog how to turn a new trick

But them underdogs got skillz when it comes to suckin dick

You been schooled in obedience been taught and tutored

Now yer goin to the clinic to get yer nutz neutered

The vet comes out says there’s a problem i’m afraid

This puppy has no balls so he’s only gettin spayed

Look underbitch i’m underwhelmed you were overrated

Listen to the hissing as your vanity gets deflated

I’m pissing on the grave at your ego war memorial

You know us alpha females are so hard core territorial

Shutup talkin bout some lame shit like rosemary thyme and sage

Not impressed by you underling get your ass back in your cage

You’re a submissive little bitch and i admit i’m glad i own ya

When you tooch your booty doggy style so i can doggy bone ya

I’m your alpha mistress your overlording alpha-bitcher

You’re just my dominated butt sniffin leg humpin twitcher

Brainy:

*silence*

Kane Marcum was the kind of internet loser that your mama always warned you about. To call him two faced would be particularly cruel since his actual face is an abomination of nature. He has such bad acne scars as well as active volcanic action zits that it looks like crows have been following him around pecking the skin off his skull. People usually tried to look past his physical misfortunes, trying to be plitically correct, after all beauty is only skin deep, it’s who you are inside that counts right? Unfortunately Kane’s inner ugly was so twisted and malformed it made his face look like Zack Efron’s in comparison. To top off the freak show trollish aspect of Kane’s existance he had a twin, yes an identical twin. People wondered what their parents must have done to anger the gods of fubar when they saw these two nasty looking fuckups standing close together.

Kane often befriended people online who were sadder sicker, and more pathetic and needy than even he was. He did this so he could feel a little better about himself, it was a relief to know he wasn’t quite the most disgusting person online. He met Carissa, his needy emo soulmate online, she had a bunch of kids and cats and a crackhead husband, but surprisingly she left that fantastic life behind to be with Kane. They talked hours and hours every day and arranged to meet face to face. The day she flopped her fat ass down off the greyhound bus he had bought her a ticket on Kane realized the pictures she had sent him of her had been taken about 10 years and 100 pounds earlier. If he hadn’t been the ugliest guy waiting in the crowd he might have had a chance to blend in and sneak away before she spotted him, she had seen pictures of him as well. But since he was by far the most freakish looking thing there that day, besides herself, she spotted him and nearly suffocated him in her saggy tit flesh as she hugged him. Kane immediately started plotting his suicide, of course he would wait until Tuesday though, that would give him time to hump this sea cow looking bitch until his self loathing reached a suicidal level. Yah he figured that was plenty of time since today was Monday.

Hey yall…..it’s that time of year when we resolve to do things differently…when we vow we will be more eco-friendly we’ll volunteer to help charitable organizations that we will eat healthier and be more active…..that we will spend less time online and more time in 3D land……you know, all the same resolutions we made last year and didn’t keep lol……i’m gonna post a few of my failed resolutions past and present…..and i think you should make a resolution to take a few minutes of your time to click on the comments tab and post a good intention of your own