Do not be alarmed! Ha. I don’t know why I said that, should we be? Apparently there is a satellite crashing towards Earth as I write this. The american navy are going to “attempt” to shoot it down. About this sat. Well, it has been un-maintained and lost its orbit. It is about the size of a greyhound bus and is loaded with toxic fuel. Do they know where it is crashing? Ha. like they would tell us if they did. Anyway… here is what my thoughts are about the meeting that is going on in Houston right now. LEt’s take it back to right before they figured out this thing was flying towards Earth.
Setting: that giant room where you always hear.. Houston, We have a problem.
About 75 geeks are scattered around terminals, most have head sets on. What we do not realize is that 85% of those are listening to Q94 Fm soft rock. During a commercial break geek 66 scans his bans and comes to some radio phone in talk show called Geeks on Space. He likes to tune into this show every once in a while, and often calls in himself.
He listens to a space geek report something odd with one of the satellites he usually jacks into. Apparently, its not there anymore. Radio host laughs and responds that what he is doing is illegal and he shouldn’t be playing around, but the space geek says.. No sir, I am seriously trying to tell someone out there that I think this satellite may have been shot down by one of those Chinese super johnny on the spot shoot the missile out of the sky target lasers. The radio host again laughs it off, but the Geek from houston who is listening suddenly remembers that He could possibly check to see if this story is true or not. He takes his headphones off and goes over to satellite section where geek #25 is in charge.
25, how are all your satellites holding up he says. G25 has his headphones on and with head slowly bopping back and forth it is clear that he’s intensely involved in his music. G66 knocks him in his head. Check your satellites dude! So, within the next 10 minutes or so G25 is running up to the guy in full uniform proudly displaying his bars and stripes and reports that during their regular sweep of the satellites, they noticed one was not there. They have now been able to locate it.. crashing towards earth. It should arrive to the atmosphere in about 14 hours, and then after busting through, and maybe burning off a bit of itself, the rest will crash into earth. He wonders what they should do.
Pin stripes, and brass calmly looks at G25 and then turns around and pushes the RED alert button. Sirens go off, doors and windows slam shut; the place revs up into a panic and he starts shouting orders. G25 scurries back to his desk (as he was ordered to) and waits there for more orders.
Next thing you know, this bay door opens (reminds me of stargate SG1) and 8 other top military like officials come in. You can tell they are from the different divisions. They gather around pin stripes who is in charge of the houston base. He quickly fills them in and now they confer on what to do. The army says, let it crash and burn, and is it possible for us to aim it towards a target. The marines say, let’s capture the satellite and take it to Guantanamo bay for questioning. The navy says, I hope it hits on land because then it will not be our responsibility and the airforce says, I think we need to try to shoot it down within the next 14 hours and also, um, lets not try to tell anyone about this fiasco. Call our guy at fox and cnn and make sure any story about this is axed.
The group decides to go with the air force’s plan to shoot it down. Problem is, they may not have the technology needed to do it. Some one suggests they call Yo Chan over in china and see if they can borrow their laser, as it has already proven to work. He goes on to say, “why China just shot down one of their own satellites that was crashing towards earth a few weeks ago. I don’t think they are using it right now.” The air force guy calls the red phone and is immediately told that in no way are they to be calling the chinese for help. They would be the laughing stock of the international world. Better the satellite the size of a bus loaded with toxic fuels landed on wall street.
So, they call in their best target shooter. they originally were trying to get mark walberg, but someone informed them in the nick of time that the movie the Shooter, was just a movie and that mark really does not shoot that well. They bring in a gunny from the air force who has over 70,000 hours on star wars for PS2 and they set him up to shoot down satellite. Once every thing is ready, the gunny aims, misses and the satellite breaks through the atmosphere.
As previously agreed by the group, if this were to happen, it would then be passed over to the army. the general then has fighter jets flying towards the burning bus with tractor beams (a secret project from area 51 that the other departments do not know about) as he pretends he’s shooting it down, but is really trying to veer it off towards a secret target. This goes on for about 20 minutes, the tractor beams fail, and the burning bus continues its journey flying towards the pacific ocean.
This is where the Navy takes over. The Navy orders coffee and donuts for the house and sets up their equipment. You think these would be submarine monitors and what not, but what is set up is a fantastic surround sound movie style theatre. They jack into XBox live and everyone signs onto Halo 2. They play capture the flag while the sat crashes to earth and lands in the pacific ocean in the middle of nowhere. No one is aware that the toxic fuels have leaked into the eco system except all the dying sea life.
Life as we know it goes on, while 17 other satellites slowly malfunction due to neglect.
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