Who in the hell is Larry? Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says 'Where the hell have you been?' Larry replies 'I was out getting a tattoo!' 'A tattoo'? She frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?' 'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said proudly. 'What the hell were you thinking'? She said, shaking her head in disgust.. 'Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?' 'Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.' Larry is in Critical Care Unit, Room 233
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried. The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but 'Nescafe.' Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: 'Good till the last drop.' Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: 'Benson&Hedges'. Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson&Hedges pack: 'Extra Long King Size.' She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: 'British Airways' Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: 'Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.' (Mom fainted)