..Thinking back a few years, living in Fla. , I remember Hurricane Matthew. I was ready for it but my wife was not.When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, my wife was rooted to the spot. She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable,with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with me forever. Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, I was able to open the door and let her in.
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers?
Well, here it is:
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy -- just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast. When they returned ,the little girl eagerly ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.
'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?' he asked.
'Not really, PaPa, it was boring. We didn't see a single asshole, piece of shit, horse's ass, tree hugger, socialist left wing prick, blind bastard, dipshit, or son of a bitch anywhere we went!
We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun.'
Who in the hell is Larry? Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says 'Where the hell have you been?' Larry replies 'I was out getting a tattoo!' 'A tattoo'? She frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?' 'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said proudly. 'What the hell were you thinking'? She said, shaking her head in disgust.. 'Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?' 'Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.' Larry is in Critical Care Unit, Room 233
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried. The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'