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kenny01

 
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About kenny01

kenny01
:

Larry Is In
The Hospital

Who in the hell is Larry?
Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says 'Where the hell have you been?'
Larry replies 'I was out getting a tattoo!'
'A tattoo'? She frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?'
'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said proudly.
'What the hell were you thinking'? She said, shaking her head in disgust.. 'Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his
privates?'
'Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow
a hundred bucks anytime you want.'
Larry is in Critical Care Unit, Room 233
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kenny01
: woman in coma..............................

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.'
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'

NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.
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kenny01
: sex on mars....................................The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.



They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, do they have golf courses, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'



A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another...

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.

He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a

quarter-inch thick.



'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.

'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'

'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.

With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite

impressively long.



'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his

member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely

exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.



The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate

ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'

'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache ... She kept

slapping my forehead and pulling my ears..'
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kenny01
: Italian Grandma's Advice!
A young Italian girl was going on a date.
Her Nonna said: 'Sita here ana letame tella you aboutthis-a younga boy.

He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat,but don't let him do dat.

He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likeadat too, but don'ta let him do dat eeda.

But mosta important, he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna
really likea dat, but don'ta let him do dat for sure.

Doing thata willa disgraza our family.
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.

The next day she told grandma that her
date went just like she had predicted:

'And Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace our family as you said.

When he tried to lay on top of me,
I just rolled him over, got on top of him, anddisgraced HIS family!'

whereupon ..... Nonna fainted!!
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kenny01
: The Three Virgins

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period.
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard
from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but 'Nescafe.'
Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: 'Good till the last drop.'
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: 'Benson&Hedges'.
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson&Hedges pack: 'Extra Long King Size.'
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing.
Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: 'British Airways'
Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline.
The ad said:
'Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.' (Mom fainted)
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