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kenny01

 
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About kenny01

kenny01
: first time..................................I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy.
There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, No, this is my first time.
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
Just a minute, she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. Do these excite you? She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.
As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.*Well, come on, she said, We dont have much time. So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately,
I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. Did you put that condom on? she asked.
I said, I sure did, and held up my thumb to show her.
She fainted
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kenny01
: Thanks for the advice



As we progress into 2018, I want to thank you for
your educational e-mails over the past year. I am
totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using
a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in
my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on
the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can
only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been
driving because the number one pastime while driving alone
is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I
can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have
consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed
it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet
sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO,now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up
in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish
within five minutes.

Because of your concern,I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face,
disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with
calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me
instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a
dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably
placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten
by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out
of the toilet..

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAy&
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kenny01
: road crew.........................



A road crew supervisor in Saskatchewah hired Herb from Newfoundland, to paint the yellow line down the middle of route 32 heading up toward Prince Albert. He was skeptical about hiring him since he didn't have any painting background, but he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really needed the job. He explained to Herb that his work day would be to complete 2 miles of center line on the road. He was set up with brushes and paint and his boss got him started.

After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he'd painted 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift, instead of the two expected of him.He told Herb, that he did an excellent job, and said how pleased he was with his progress.

On the second day, Herb completed painting just the 2 miles of road that was asked of him. His supervisor was surprised, because on the first day, he had completed twice as much work. But he didn't say anything, since 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure that Herb would pick up the pace again.

On day 3, the supervisor was disappointed to learn that in his 8 hour shift, Herb completed painting only 1 mile of road. Herb was called to the supervisor's office and asked what was the problem. 'On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road. What's the problem, Herb?'

'Well,' Herb replied, 'I'll tell you watt is da problem dare boy, but I taught a smart man like you would figger it out fer yourself. Every day I got farder and farder away from da paint can.'
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kenny01
: [pic] today's sermon..........................
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kenny01
: [pic] jewish funeral...............................Moshe died. His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.



As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sarah turned to her oldest and dearest friend. 'Ah, well, Moshe would be pleased,' she said.

'You're right,' replied Ruth, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. 'So, go on, how much did this really cost?'

'All of it,' said Sarah. 'Forty thousand dollars.'

'Aw, No!', Ruth exclaimed, 'I mean, it was a very grand affair, but $40,000?'

Sarah answered, 'The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the Synagogue. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.'

Ruth computed quickly.

'Oy Vey! For the love of God Sarah, $32,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it?';

Scroll down....................

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