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: 2 truths and 5 rules to live by.................................Two truths and five rules to live by
The following Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life seem to be fairly valid...
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However, after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats."
But, none of them comes up to the man - touch his penis and say, "Good job."
Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.
1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.
5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
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: [pic] Elderly woman on a cruise
Amazing how your values change as you age!


An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,
'Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?'

'Yes, I know,' said the lady.
'I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat.'

'But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!' said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man
and replied, 'Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.
I bought this hat yesterday!'
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: Sex Starved !!!

A new Army Captain was as assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he
noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess

He asked the Sergeant why the camel was
kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you
know, there are 250 men here on the post
and no women. Sometimes the men have
urges. That's why we have Molly The

The Captain said, 'I can't say that I
condone this, but I can understand about
the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'

About a month later, the Captain starts
having his own 'urges'.

Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant
to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a ladder behind the camel, the
Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his
pants down and makes passionate love to
the camel.

When he's done, he asked the Sergeant,
'Is that how the men do it?'

'No sir. They usually just ride the camel
into town. That's where the girls are.'
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: as I get older.........................As I have grown older:
I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

Condoms dont guarantee safe sex anymore&...
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the womans husband.

Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong,
especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
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: [pic] Life Cycle 0f Women & Men in 3 Pictures.......................
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