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95
kenny01: THE ULTIMATE SALESMAN STORY

A young guy from Iowa moves to Florida and goes to a big ....'everything under one roof' department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says 'Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Iowa .'

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

'How many customers bought something from you today?' The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, 'One'

The boss says 'Just one?!!?
Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here.
We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida .
One sale a day might have been acceptable in Iowa , but you're not on the farm anymore, son'

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), 'So how much was your one sale for?'

The kid looks up at his boss and says '$101,237.65'

The boss, astonished, says '$101,237.65?? What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 X 4 Expedition.'

The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?'

The kid said 'No, the guy actually came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Man, your weekend's shot; you might as well go fishing!'
95
kenny01: the farmer..........................A farmer goes to a livestock dealer and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens, and a goose. The farmer looks at his purchases and says, 'Damn, I WALKED here. How am I gonna carry all this home?
The livestock dealer said, 'Why dont you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Hey, thanks!' the farmer said, and off he went.
While walking home he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, I live just down the road from there. Lets take my short cut and go down this alley. Well be there in no time.'
The little old lady said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you wont hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
She replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket & and Ill hold the chickens.'
more..