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Welcome to itsachat! We are more than your run of the mill typical chat rooms. We are a Social Media Sharing Orientated Community.

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itsachat was established in July 2007. There has/is always a mod present to answer all questions.

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95
kenny01: A wise person once said..
1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes, but we never realize that
the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
2. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a
hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.
3. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of
mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
4. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken,
Carlsberg, & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but
will grab whatever is available.
5 A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than
the men who mention it.
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317
fem420fan: My eyes got a little watery when fox said itsa is still around. Out of all the ppl ive met online you guys are the ones that hold a special place in my little itty bitty teeny weeny heart and Ill always remember you. Until i get dimentia... Gobs of love for all of you
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3
lanfearinc: Has Updated their Status Message
its cold enough outside to freeze your balls.... of ice hahahaha -lanfearinc
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95
kenny01:
A lonely widow, age 75, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a Grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.
He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you...you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
​ ​
'Rang the doorbell didn't I?'
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95
kenny01:
A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, ' Steve’s Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the bus-boy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well,' he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
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lanfearinc: Has Updated their Status Message
Good morning Christie!!!!! and furry loved ones.. morn' to you little brats too! -lanfearinc
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95
kenny01:
A hunter and his friend were sitting in a tall tower stand along Highway 11-17 near Thunder Bay, Ontario early one cold December morning. Suddenly, a huge buck walked out over the corn they had spread in the low shrubs The buck was magnificent..... a once in a lifetime animal. His rack was huge. The hunter's hand shook as his mind was already counting the Boone and Crockett points.
Moving quickly, the hunter carefully aimed the Leopold scope on his .300 Win Mag at the unsuspecting buck.
As he was about to squeeze the trigger on this deer of a lifetime, his friend alerted him to a funeral procession passing slowly down Highway 11-17. The hunter pulled away from the gun stock, set the rifle down, took off his hat, bowed his head and then closed his eyes in prayer. His friend was stunned.
'Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen you do. You actually let that trophy deer go to pay respects to a passing funeral procession. You are indeed the kindest man I have ever known, and I feel lucky to call you a friend.' The hunter shrugged. 'Yeah, well, we were married for 41 years!'
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95
kenny01: [pic]
It's that time of year again......
Revenue Canada Free Gift
The Canada Revenue Agency has announced
that it will give a free pencil sharpener
to all taxpayers who pay their taxes on time next year.
It can be placed on your desk as a constant reminder
of the service they provide to you each year.
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3
lanfearinc: Has Updated their Status Message
Good luck Mr. Gorsky! hahah good one kenny -lanfearinc
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95
kenny01: veggies
After a few too many visits to the 'House of Horizontal Pleasure'
a young man notices green lumps on his willy.
So, off he goes to the doctor.
'You know how wrestlers and rugby union players get cauliflower ears?'
…. says the doctor.
'Yes' says the man, nodding seriously.
'Well' says the doctor, 'You've got Brothel Sprouts.'
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95
kenny01: A SENIOR CHURCH MOMENT
A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wanted him to leave.
Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and Proclaims, .. 'If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'
The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, 'If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex!'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her, 'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'
Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies, 'Well , I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said
'Screw him!'
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lanfearinc: Has Updated their Status Message
I found a shooting star in the zipper part of my purse :P -lanfearinc
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95
kenny01: 'Sixty is the worst age to be,'said the 60-year-old man. 'You always
feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and
nothing comes out.'
'Ah, that's nothin,' said the 70-year-old. 'When you're seventy,you
don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit
on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!'
'Actually,' said the 80-year-old,'Eighty is the worst age of all.'
'Do you have trouble peeing, too?' asked the 60-year old.
'No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock;
no problem at all.'
'So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?'
'No, I have one every morning at 6:30.'
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, 'You pee every morning at 6:00 and
crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?'
'I don't wake up until 7:00.'
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95
kenny01: Linda Plews, 26, a resident of Toronto was visiting her in-laws and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange.
He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The husband called the police and the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat in her car, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is a blonde, a Justin Trudeau supporter, a Justin Beiber fan and a die-hard Maple Leafs fan, but that could all be a coincidence....
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3
lanfearinc: oranges are so yummy.. except i just dread peeling them when they are not those easy to peel xmas oranges!! ugh.. *struggles with the peel*
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3
lanfearinc: Has Updated their Status Message
itsa good day to make another funimalz hat :P -lanfearinc
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95
kenny01: An old lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 85th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel.
When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $450.
She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $450 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast."
The clerk told her that $450 is the 'standard rate,' so she insisted on speaking to the manager.
The manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, informed the woman:
'This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use.'
'But I didn't use them,' she said. 'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explained the manager.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous.
'We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here,' manager said.
'But I didn't go to any of those shows,' she said. 'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the manager replied.
No matter what amenity the manager mentioned, she replied, 'But I didn't use it!' and the manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion, with the manager unmoved, she decided to pay; so she wrote a check and gave it to him.
The manager was surprised when he looked at the check. 'But madam, this amount is for $50 only.'
'That's correct. I charged you $400 for sleeping with me,' she replied.
'But I didn't!'exclaimed the very surprised manager.
'Well, too bad. I was here and you could have.'
Don't mess with Seniors.
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lanfearinc: Has Updated their Status Message
my 100% cotton ribbon is Twillified!! Yowsaaaaaaah Score!! Cha-ching *bows* -lanfearinc
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