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95
kenny01:
Fable of the Porcupine

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and
protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.

After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen.
So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close
relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with
the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.

The moral of the story is:



Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!
95
kenny01: military man........................A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?'

'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'

'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.'

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'

'1955, ma'am.'

'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!' She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'

The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'


(Gotta love military time!)
95
kenny01: [pic] Catholics...











Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, 'My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him
'Father'.'
The second Catholic man chirps, 'My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Grace'.'
The third Catholic gent says, 'My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says
'Your Eminence'.'
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, 'My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Holiness'.'
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, 'Well....?'
She proudly replies,
I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL
40 D Breasts
24'WAIST and
34' HIPS


When she walks into a room, people say,
'JESUS'
95
kenny01: TRUST YOUR HUSBAND
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband...
For example...
A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. 'Hi, sweetheart,' he says. 'Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?'
95
kenny01: The value of a #2 Pencil





The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took
his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said,
'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her
A third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
95
kenny01: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?

WELL .. . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE........

MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.


COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.


THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.


AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.


WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.


HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.


THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALDING, WRINKLED FACED, FAT-ASSED, GRAY HAIRED, DECREPIT, MISERABLE, SON OF A BITCH ASKED ME...

'WHAT SUBJECT DID YOU TEACH ??????'
more..