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95
kenny01: Colonoscopy
All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
Trying to decide who was the one in charge.
'I should be in charge,' said the brain, 'Because I run all the
body's systems, so without me nothing would happen.'
'I should be in charge,' said the blood, 'Because I circulate
oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away.'
'I should be in charge,' said the stomach,'Because I process
food and give all of you energy.'
'I should be in charge,' said the legs, 'because I carry the body
wherever it needs to go.'
'I should be in charge,' said the eyes, 'Because I allow the body
to see where it goes.'
'I should be in charge,' said the rectum, 'Because I'm
responsible for waste removal.'
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
And insulted him,
So in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
The stomach was bloated,
The legs got wobbly,
The eyes got watery,
And the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
..
The Moral of the story?
Even though the others do all the work...
The ass hole is usually in charge
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95
kenny01: As I age ...
When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier said,
'Strip down, facing me.'
Making a mental note so I could complain to my local MP about this security
rubbish, I did just as she had instructed.
After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out
that she was referring to how I should position my credit card.
Nonetheless, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions a little clearer for seniors.
Man, I hate this getting older stuff.
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132
frogz: Has Updated their Status Message
Hello Itsachat Friends. Hope all is well. -frogz
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3
lanfearinc: [pic] Road Trip was Fantastic!! What a wonderful wedding!!! Here's my beautiful niece just after the ceremony. She is happy as ive ever seen her!! She's married now!!!. Congrats Jessy and Tyson!! I'll do a blog soon :P
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2596
Gabbyk: ughhhhh back in school i loved my summer vacation i wish it wasn't over o well at least i got my laptop back! :) peace out my nigga's!
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95
kenny01: CARP (Canadian Association of Retired People).
Questions and Answers from CARP Forum.
Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger
women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through
menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the
basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60
year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly
wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all
those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with
short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the
problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds
when they enter antique stores?
A: 'Gosh, I remember these!'
SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor.
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95
kenny01: Here is something to think about
GRANDMAS ARE SMART
I was out walking with my grandson. He picked up something off of the
ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him
and I asked him not to do that. 'Why?' my grandson asked.
'Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty,
and probably has germs. Sometimes germs make little boys sick and not feel
good' I replied.
At this point, my grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked,
'Grandma, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.'
I was thinking quickly and said to him, 'All Grandmas know stuff.
It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let
you be a Grandma.'
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering
this new information. 'Oh...I get it! He beamed, so if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa.'
'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.
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3
lanfearinc: Has Updated their Status Message
i reserved a car.. Road Trip Time!! wooot -lanfearinc
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3
lanfearinc: Has Updated their Status Message
I had something great to say here... but i lost it 0_0 -lanfearinc
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1720
Lifeofsins: @frogz,@lanfearinc
hey peeps hows it going, been ages hope all is well
so Ive been hearing ppl complain about facebook, seeings as i'm not on it I dont know anymore than i'm hearing from others, something todo with fb flagging accounts because they are not using their actual names which sucks for anyone like me, I prefer to use a nickname or a screen name as you guys know, anyway to me is see this as a window of opportunity for itsa to gain a bunch of members seeings as itsa links to 4 of the most popular social media sites there is but the question is how do we get people to notice itsa now that fb is flagging ppl, Idk just putting the idea out there for something to consider
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95
kenny01: Mike walks into a bar in St. John's and sees Dave sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face.
Mike says, 'Dave, what are you so happy for?'
'Well Mike, I gotta tell ya.. Yesterday I was out waxing me boat, just waxing me boat, and a redhead came up to me. Tits out to here, Mike. Tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat'? I said 'Sure you can have a ride in me boat.' So I took her way out in the harbor, Mike. I turned off the key and I said' It's either screw or swim! She couldn't swim, Mike. She couldn't swim!'
The next day Mike walks into the same bar and sees Dave sitting at the end of the bar with a even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, 'What are you happy about today Dave?' 'Well Mike.... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxing me boat, just waxing me boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me...tits out to here, Mike. Tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I told her 'Sure you can have a ride in me boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike! She couldn't swim!'
A couple days pass and Mike walks into the bar again and sees Dave crying over a beer.
Mike says, 'Dave, what are you so sad for?'
'Well Mike, I gotta tell ya .... Yesterday I was out waxing me boat, just waxing me boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me...tits WAY out to here, Mike. Tits WAY out to here. She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in me boat. So I took her way out, Mike, way WAY out... Much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said It's either screw or swim!' She pulled down her pants and .....
THUNDERIN' JESUS ! ! She had a pecker, Mike!
She had this great BIG pecker!...
And I can't swim Mike! .........I can't fockin' swim!'
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1489
Nooby: I am a new owner of a Nintendo system for 20 dollars.
Thank you very much.
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95
kenny01: DO NOT wash your hair in the shower!
It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!
IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR
BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT.
I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the
Shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly
On the shampoo label is this warning,
'FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME.'
No wonder I have been gaining weight!
Well! I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start
Showering with Dawn Dishwashing Soap. Its label reads,
'DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.'
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95
kenny01:
Did you know this? I didn’t.
A slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece.
In those days, the athletes performed naked.
To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.
At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked magnificent males marching toward her and she exclaimed:
'OH!!! Limp pricks!!!'
Over the next two and a half millenniums, those words morphed into 'Olympics'.
Just thought I'd share this new found knowledge with you.
You're very welcome...
No need to thank me.
This is your history lesson for today, and... you won't hear this on NBC anytime soon!
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