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95
kenny01: The value of a #2 Pencil





The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took
his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said,
'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her
A third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
95
kenny01: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?

WELL .. . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE........

MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.


COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.


THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.


AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.


WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.


HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.


THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALDING, WRINKLED FACED, FAT-ASSED, GRAY HAIRED, DECREPIT, MISERABLE, SON OF A BITCH ASKED ME...

'WHAT SUBJECT DID YOU TEACH ??????'
95
kenny01: Why Ethel changed motels

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs ... and she felt quite certain she could bounce a dime off his well-oiled buns.
She figured,What the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call. The voice on the other end of the phone was Good evening, Ma'am, how may I help you? Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, so she rushed right to the point.I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. I should be honest with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it NOW! Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go at it all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything. I'm ready! How does that sound?
He said, That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to Press 9 for an outside line.
132
frogz: Has Updated their Status Message
I for one, cannot wait till Jaden Smith drops "No Willy Style" -frogz
95
kenny01: picken on men.......................................One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.


Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'


'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'OHIO STATE ! '
And they say blondes are dumb...
----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world..'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
-------------------------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,'
Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
-------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hand. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger....Whoosh...immediately he turned
90!!! Gotta love that fairy!

-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
--------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
---------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe.
-------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'........
95
kenny01: On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules:

'The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male quarters to the females.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.' He continued,
'Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180.
Are there any questions?'
An older gentleman stood up in the crowd and inquired:
'How much for a season pass ???
more..