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kenny01: Italian Grandma's Advice!
A young Italian girl was going on a date.
Her Nonna said: 'Sita here ana letame tella you aboutthis-a younga boy.

He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat,but don't let him do dat.

He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likeadat too, but don'ta let him do dat eeda.

But mosta important, he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna
really likea dat, but don'ta let him do dat for sure.

Doing thata willa disgraza our family.
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.

The next day she told grandma that her
date went just like she had predicted:

'And Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace our family as you said.

When he tried to lay on top of me,
I just rolled him over, got on top of him, anddisgraced HIS family!'

whereupon ..... Nonna fainted!!
kenny01: The Three Virgins
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period.
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard
from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but 'Nescafe.'
Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: 'Good till the last drop.'
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: 'Benson&Hedges'.
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson&Hedges pack: 'Extra Long King Size.'
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing.
Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: 'British Airways'
Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline.
The ad said:
'Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.' (Mom fainted)