1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me.'
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
7. My father taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll really give you something to cry about.'
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?'
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.
11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'
12 My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'